thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
