Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
