i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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