I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
