At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
high people should be assigned attendants
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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