Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
