No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
