lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
