I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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