If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
