you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
