Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Randomize
