Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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