I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
