We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
