I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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