Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ttyl tear gas
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
