Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
