what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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