help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
