is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dear god my vagina.
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