Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
