I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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