He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i believe in u and ur pee
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize