i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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