I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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