Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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