Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize