Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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