Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize
