Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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