Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
