nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
