is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
where are you?
Hypothermia
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
