girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
