she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
