Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
