this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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