Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
only you would photoshop your dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
