We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
