Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize