My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
