I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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