he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
