is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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