I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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