he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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