we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
