Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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