He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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