I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
