Will you blow on my dice?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
