Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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