WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just high enough for therapy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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