I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
