So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
