Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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