i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
