Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
