you traded sex for a burrito?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
