Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
