I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
