woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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